Closing Time

AS I started to write this I thought about one night about a week before I left for the PC.  I was out at Caddy's with a group of friends and as we got up to leave the Semisonic song "Closing Time" came on.  (Yeah I know this sounds contrived but even I couldnt make this shit up and I know I"m kinda lame).  But now I've started thinking of it I feel the song is kinda fitting for recent events.

Lets go back:

Closing time:  Late Monday afternoon September 28, 2009. 

After spending the morning working at my health center weighing babies I caught a car out to my regional capital so i could help with a leadership in development conference.  I arrived at the PC house only to be caught up in the bad news.  A group of soldiers fired into a crowd of prodemocracy suppporters the death toll kept rising and finally stood at 157 people.  Political opposition leaders were specifically targeted.  It still makes me sick to think about the loss of life that happened that day.

By Thursday I was sent home, away fro the large city where there was the possibility of demonstrations and more violence.

Saturday I called to check in and was informed to remain at my site I would be picked up in a few days and taken out of country.  My heart stopped.  This couldnt be happening.  I cant leave, but in the end I do.

  "ONE LAST CALL for Alcohol so finish your whisky or beer"

That night I had to dance around to music for about an hour to work off the nervous energy and to finish making arrangements and packing my things.  I had to make myself feel ok about my uncertain future. 

Three days later i was gone.  Even though I knew I wouldnt be coming back, deep down i was holding out hope that i'd be home in a month.  Those last days were difficult, I didnt want to say goodbye but I didnt want to just sneak out either.  I told my close friends where I was going but to everyone else I said I'd be back in 3 weeks.  It was like the elephant in the room.  I think everyone knew with what was going on I wouldnt be back but they didn't want to say it either. 

I dont have much to say about the evacuation or the first few weeks in Bamako.  It was all uneventful. 

"Closing time you dont have to go home but you cant stay here"
Lets move along to when they finally came out and pulled the plug for now.  There is alot to think about and not much time.  Do I want to go back to Dayton?  No, not now and not for good.
Do  I want to get a nice desk job?  Hell no, I'd have to wear hose and I dont want to.
Do I want to go back to school?  Absolutely not.
Stick with the PC?  Only if they dont make me waite forever for a new spot.
Travel on my own?  Yes but I"m not ready yet.

So there it is my big what to do crisis.  Suddenly everything began to be thrown into question.  If I transfer where do I go and what do I want to do?  What if i choose wrong?  Am I throwing away my youth, i'm only 24 but what if i wind up old and alone because I keep wandering around the world?  (Yeah I'm neurotic)  Finally after much distress it came down to this:  I wanted to stay with pc but only till my February 2011 deadline and I wanted the experience to live in a village.  I went with Mali, I was supposed to be a volunteer here anyway and I was already in the country.

So here I am.  I"m in a village in Mali doing much of the same work only time will tell if I made the right choice but so far so good. 

"Every new begining comes from some other beginings end."